LOVE??

In my experience love is a funny thing... Although I've never been in love love per say I have been so infatuated with someone that I mistook it for love. this has happened only 3 times in my whole 16 years and none of those feelings led to anything more than a lonely girl.
Story time!! xD

My first huge crush was on a boy who I went to church with. I thought he was perfect! :P He was tall, muscular, handsome, and he teased me like no other. he was also in a band and was also the bad boy womanizer kind. for the purpose of this story his name is Phil. Phil and I would have worked out except for the fact that he was in love (I use this term loosely) with one of my closest friends. I realized it wouldn't work out only after I had written many heart felt poems... I was crushed. But I really should have known better. I knew already that he liked her and wouldn't give up.  so my feelings went unnoticed and soon changed.

The 2nd guy was Phil's cousin ironically... his name is Kevin. Kevin unlike Phil is in his 20s and is as manly as ever. Kevin is a lit major who doesn't have a really job and is barely surviving... Why I was so infatuated with him I have no idea. I started to fall for him when we started discussing the great Gatsby in great detail. I knew he was perfect for me because he and I could hold intellectual conversations and be satisfied. He was a man. but in unfortunately a man would never fall for a junior in high school. I was more like the little sister he never had.

(#3's my favorite story)
Then the 3rd guy I "fell" for was amazing. He was my first for a lot of things. Over the summer (2013) it was arranged that this guy and I would meet. My bff's guy brought his bff so that I wouldn't be a third wheel. This was a wonderful set up. His name was Jake. He was tall, dark, and handsome ;P After we exchanged #'s we texted non stop for then next 2 days getting to know each other. then when we met again he kissed me (this is another long adventurous story ill get into later). I was expecting it because we snuck out with our friends and broke into a house (ik it sounds really bad). Then the rest of the summer we became great friends. We were like bf/gf without the title. texting non stop kissing non stop and soon I crashed hard. He was the closest thing to love I have ever known. But once school started we texted less and less. We both got so busy that we never met and that was it. He was done with me. Although i was sad i knew some how that this was going to happen and that we would fall apart. I know im over him but when i see his name my heart hurts and i relaps writing sadder and sader poetry...

just one of the many

Once I liked you
Once I loved you
Once I was scared
Once I held you
Once I craved you
Once I cared
Once I kissed you
Once I missed you
Once I dared
Once you hugged me
Once you crushed me
Once I was unprepared 


Love Jess <3